A Letter & A Lullaby

Eli & Luke; 

Today is my last official day of maternity leave. I'm full of so many emotions. It would be a lie to say I haven't shed a tear or two this week just thinking of leaving you boys. I thought it wouldn't be this hard this time, since I'm going to start a new job doing something I know I will love. But, I was wrong. So wrong. It is just as hard. I hated leaving you, E, when you were 3 months old. I always felt that my real job was to be at home with you. I absolutely love being a mom. There is simply nothing better. And now, I have to leave both my babies. It's so, so hard. I feel like the time just went too fast. I got the same 3 months with you, LT, but these three months were crazy. I feel like I didn't get the same cuddle time, the sweet moments with you on my chest just doing nothing, the long naps together in the afternoon. Today, I feel sad. I guess I just feel like you got cheated a bit. Between the fact that we moved and life was insane in your first month and the fact that you're a second child and I was so busy with your crazy busy big brother, I didn't get as much time to just sit and take you all in. You are so, so loved. More than you'll ever know. What I do know is I did make the most out of my time with you. We still cuddled a lot, we still napped when we could, I tried to soak it all up and enjoyed every single moment with you when I got them. But those moments just went by too fast. 

Mother, O Mother, come shake out your cloth,
Empty the dustpan, poison the moth,
Hang out the washing, make up the bed,
Sew on a button and butter the bread.

Where is the mother whose house is so shocking?
She’s up in the nursery, blissfully rocking.

Oh, I’ve grown as shiftless as Little Boy Blue,
Lullabye, rockabye, lullabye loo.
Dishes are waiting and bills are past due
Pat-a-cake, darling, and peek, peekaboo

The shopping’s not done and there’s nothing for stew
And out in the yard there’s a hullabaloo
But I’m playing Kanga and this is my Roo
Look! Aren’t his eyes the most wonderful hue?
Lullabye, rockaby lullabye loo.

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow
But children grow up as I’ve learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I’m rocking my baby and babies don’t keep.

By Ruth Hamilton

I love you both so very much. Being your mom is an absolute honor. I have enjoyed these special days so very much. I know that when I'm working, it will just remind me to cherish my days off with you even more. I pray that I can always give you my best. I pray that I'll take time to soak up the special moments we do get together and make the most of them! I so wish I could stay home with you every single day... but I know God is going to use your Mama to help other Mama's who's babies are sick. I know that I have this great opportunity to do something I've always dreamed of. And, I simply pray that I can be great Nurse to the other little babies at work AND a great Mommy to MY babies at home.

And, here is a lullaby that I've been listening to a lot laterly and loving. I dedicate it to you sweet boys. Thanks for making me your Mama. I Love you more than words can express.