Dear Isaac

Dear Isaac Jacob,

Oh, sweet sweet baby boy of mine. I cannot believe we’re here. This letter is the most emotional one I’ve written yet. It took me many times of sitting down to write. But, I did enjoy looking back at all your pictures and reminiscing of your squishy baby self.  I do not want to be done. It’s the end of a special phase of my life. And, yet. It’s the beginning of so much for you! So as I say goodbye to a very intimate and wonderful time in my life, I say hello to having boys who are growing and changing before me and to the new adventures that lie ahead. So, here I am, with tear-filled eyes mourning the end. The finality of never carrying another baby inside me. Because although we are still at the beginning of so much in your life, we are also at an end. You're my last baby. My last one year old. Your firsts will also be our lasts, and the end of something so amazing and wonderful is also so sad for your Mama.

One year ago I went to the bed the night before pregnant, for the very last time in my life. I held my belly, with you in it, and enjoyed every last kick, nudge, and movement. I wanted to capture the time and bottle it up, so as to never forget what that special feeling felt like growing a baby inside me. I loved the special, secret bond I had with my babies while they grew inside me and knew I would miss it terribly when it was over. I loved the journey, would miss it greatly, and would cherish it forever. 

One year ago we met you for the first time. I watched you be pulled from my belly, an experience I will truly NEVER forget. I was shaking with excitement and adrenaline. I longed to see you, to catch a glimpse of that hair, and to know you were healthy. With tears down my face, I first said “he’s bald”. Dr Ezell laid you on my belly to suction your mouth and all I could see was your little feet in the air. The room was quiet. And then he sat you up again, and I saw that beautiful WHITE hair. And I said, “no, it’s white!” I looked around as everyone confirmed what I finally saw. Dr Ezell said, “yes it is!” My dearest friend Crystal was there for your birth and I vividly remember looking at her, and she shook her head yes with tears in her eyes. I'll never ever forget it. And I knew she'd take good care of you, I'm so thankful she was there. I looked at your Daddy who was right beside me and we both cried together. And, we knew you had albinism. We knew you were finally here. And we knew we loved you with everything in us. I didn't get to hold you right away, which made me so sad since you needed a little help breathing. But I knew you were in good hands.

One year ago I went to recovery without my little man since you needed some oxygen under the hood to help you transition after birth. I longed to hold you, but it was few hours before I finally snuggled your plump, rolly, polley 8 lb 11 ounce, 20 inches long body.  I was so deeply, deeply in love with you. I  kissed your HUGE cheeks over and over again. I held you on my chest and smelt your newborn smell and felt your silky white hair. Our family all came to meet you and everyone fell in love.

12 months ago we brought you home and we started life with our 3 BOYS. We knew it would be busy and tough at times, but we couldn’t wait. We were in awe over how much God had blessed us. We watched your big brothers discover you and fall in love with you. Elijah immediately was drawn to you and proclaimed “he has white hair just like me!” before we even told him. He would ask to hold you constantly, was so gentle, wanted to read you books, and kissed you so much. We knew you two would have a bond like no other. Luke was indifferent in the hospital and then a little more timid at first once we got home, but of course insisted on holding you if big brother Elijah got to. He would kiss your head and come check on you all the time no matter where you were and say "Hiiiiii baaaay bee" . At just 10 days old you were baptized on Mother's Day and we celebrated with all of our family and we rejoiced for this gift of life and we were so thankful for you. 

10 months ago you were Mr Squish. Rolls for DAYS all over but really the most divine arm rolls. You had already visited Yellowstone National Park at just 1 month old and soon to travel to South Dakota at 2 months old. You were just starting to coo and interact more and already had rolled from belly to back since just 4 weeks old. You preferred to be held, and mama didn’t mind. Mama would often rock you to sleep and then you’d wake just once a night! 

8 months ago You were a big love bug who was starting to get a little personality, sharing more smiles and finally let our your first giggle which had mama laughing with tears in her eyes. You were rolling both ways now and had discovered your toes. You had officially discovered your love of baths, which is where you were most content. Started sucking your left thumb and gave up your binky. You were sleeping 12 hours at night, then went through a growth spurt/sleep regression. And you were quite the stinker when it came to napping in your crib since you preferred your swing. You were a spitty baby with lots of reflux issues, which made you quite sad and our evenings quite difficult.  Quite the mamas boy and maybe a little spoiled, but so very loved.

 

6 months ago you were really starting to jabber and talk! (as well as screech and growl- which we’re pretty certain you learned from your brothers!) You were back to sleeping through the night, a belly sleeper all the time now. You had tried your first solids, were a little picky, but you were slowly discovering new foods. You just learned to sit finally and were rolling, scooting, and even got to your hands and knees and rocked. Always wanting to be on the move. Curious and so very fun! 

4 months ago you went from scooting, rolling, doing the worm, to finally crawling and on the move. You were busy and no longer the easy one, since you loved discovering the world around you. You were just starting to  pull yourself up to stand and just conquered going up the stairs. Your fluffy hair was growing and your looks were changing, not so much baby anymore but big boy. Your scrunchy nose smile was our favorite. You were finally eating all sorts of new food.

2 months ago you were busy and always on the go. Crawling fast, pulling yourself up to everything, into everything, going up the stairs, but not quite taking steps or walking. You had been sick between stomach bugs and the constant respiratory virus that wouldn’t leave our house. You weren’t gaining weight and were waking in the night again. But, soon you’d be feeling better and back to your normal, trying more foods (including more table foods!) and slowly working on gaining weight!  You mastered the straw cup. You now have 3 teeth (two center bottom and one center top!) and you were officially my earliest teether (and biter!) You chuckle and squeal and jabber all the time and are such a joy!

And now, Ike. Now you are ONE. Today my baby boy is no longer such a baby, but soon to be a toddler.  Now you weigh in at 19.5 pounds. Now you are such a delight. A joy that brings us all so much happiness and laughter each day. Now your little personality is so much fun and you’ve grown up so much! A busy little boy always on the go. Now you finally took your first few steps with a push toy, but would prefer to just crawl, which you can do so very fast. Now you can go up AND down the stairs on your own (and very quickly, I might add!) Now your vision appears to be pretty good and you track things and appear to see fairly well despite your vision loss. Now you love to be with your brothers, take their toys, and try to play with them. (and you also learned to scream and growl from them!) Now you three have the cutest relationship and friendship and I pray you’ll always be close. Now you are slowly learning to keep your sunglasses and hat on when we’re outside. Now you’re slowly picking up on a few signs (please and all done) and we’re working on milk and more. You’ll wave hi/bye occasionally. Now you jabber and talk all the time, but your ownly words are "dada" and "Dah" (ball). Now you have the best scrunchy nose with huge  front teeth grin that cracks us up every time you flash it. Now you still suck your left thumb and always sleep on your belly. Now you’re still nursing 2  times a day morning and night (my longest nurser and I love it- and not sure when we'll stop!) and you still love snuggles with mama before bed after you nurse. It's one of my favorite times with you! I pray for you, thank God for you, and kiss your sweet head before I lay you down each night. My last baby. My last one year old. My how time flies.

Isaac Jacob.
You have made our little family complete. My 3 amigos are my greatest blessings. Some days I cannot believe I am a Mama to three boys. God had big plans for us when he gave us another little man. And I can't imagine our life and our family without you in it. You light up our lives and surely you will always be my baby boy. Your smile is contagious. Your chuckle makes us laugh right along with you. You are such a gift.  I am so thankful that God gave me you.

Life Verse

Your Daddy and I gave your brothers each a life verse. Something to live for and stand by as you grow. 
We loved you even before you were born. And we prayed for you even before you were here. We prayed that God would bless us with another healthy child. We prayed for you when we found out you were another baby boy, to be named Isaac Jacob. We prayed for you when you were born and thanked God for the gift of your life. And we pray for you now as you continue to grow. 

Isaac (meaning Laughter) Jacob (Named after your Uncle Jacob Haan)

Psalm 126:2
"Our mouths were filled with laughter, our tongues with songs of joy. Then it was said among the nations, "The LORD has done great things for them." 

We pray that you'll take your verse to heart. We pray that we can raise you to be a God fearing and honoring man. We pray that you'll always share with others the way God has created you JUST the way you are, that you're proud of it, and that you'll boast the good works that God has done. We pray that you'll live up to the meaning of your name, to be filled with laughter! And we pray that you always share the JOY and love of God to all that you meet.  

Another favorite verse for you sweet boy. We charge you and we pray....

Colossians 1:10
"That your may live a life worthy of the LORD and please Him in every way. Bearing fruit in every good work. Growing in the knowledge of GOD."


***I love you forever
I'll like you for always
As long as I'm living
My BABY you'll be.***

Love,

Mama